Loser of the Day/MEGA Loser of the Day

1. Page-a-Day calendars
Seriously, fuck page-a-day calendars. Or at least, fuck the one sitting on my desk at work.

Let me back up. Robbo’s dad gave me one for Christmas last year, full of snarky and cynical jokes. This is actually really nice, as it says he understands my sense of humor. I’m snarky, and goddamn am I cynical. Most days, I love the calendar. I sit down at my desk in the morning, tear off the previous day's, and I laugh. Thanks a lot, page-a-day calendar!

But some days, the calendar says weird and depressing things. One day, on which I was coincidentally having a really bad morning, I ripped off the previous day to see the words, “It’s never the chipped dishes that break.” And you know what? It’s true. What a bummer. I think I cried at my desk. THANKS A LOT, PAGE-A-DAY CALENDAR.

Today’s thought of the day is a three-fold:
1. You can’t win.
2. You can’t break even.
3. You can’t even quit the game.

I’m half-tempted to just throw the whole damn thing in the trash. Fuck you, page-a-day calendar. You're my LOSER OF THE DAY.



2. Hi, Jim Tracy? You're the MEGA LOSER OF THE DAY. You'd think I'd be excited about the prospect of new on-field management, but I'm not. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
Honestly, the ending of this season hurts a little too much to talk about. 15 years. This is a milestone, people.

You know how they say that women release a hormone when they give birth that causes them to forget about the horrors of labor? I think I release the same hormone for Pirates’ seasons. By October, I am pained and disgusted. I cannot imagine watching another losing season—it's just too much for me to bear.
But then, by April, I’m so excited, I can barely contain it. I request to take a vacation day on Opening Day about six weeks in advance. I read every report that comes out of spring training. I can be heard saying things like, “This year is gonna be our year!” and “I’ll bet you (insert high stake here) that the Pirates go .500 this year!”
Oh wait. See this entry from this past March, aptly titled My Hopes are High.

Sigh.
Cue “Another One Bites the Dust.”