Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Where I've Been

Grad-schoolin’, volunteerin’, music-makin’.

So, since I decided to stick it out a bit longer and go the Student Affairs track of Higher Ed Management, I’ve been trying to get in as much volunteer work as I can that will help me (and the community) in this regard. I’m going to be working on a number of different projects, including going to a sensitivity training course this Friday to counsel gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered students. Awesome. School is getting a little easier in terms of managing time, it’s just hard to juggle 14- and 16-hour days and still try to have fun. I refuse to stop having fun. Gah! I don’t really want to say too much more about it here, lately I’ve been wary of posting too much information on the internet. You never know who is snooping around. Actually, I do know who! But anyway.

One thing that’s been on the internet that I haven’t posted it here…the Maxipads are breaking up. Kacyn is hitting the road for hipper pastures, and it’s time to move on. I’m bummed, it hasn’t quite hit me yet, but Joe and I are already working on a new project with our friend Carrie, which is going to be completely different than the ‘Pads and way awesome. I’m super pumped for it.

Also, Pirates season. Can you believe Opening Day sold out in just over 24 hours? Are you kidding me?! People, we were excited that we beat a COMMUNITY COLLEGE TEAM! Ack! Why are we so stupid? Why do we feed our hard-earned money into this team? I mean, obviously I’m guilty of it too, it’s just…-sigh-. Depressing.

And thefoodsex.com. How I neglect thee. I just need there to be more hours in a day that I can stand to be awake.

Re-reading this, I’ve realized that all this being tired and busy has made me really, really boring. YAWN

Wednesday, February 27, 2008


I know this happens to me every year but each year it seems to take me by surprise. Hi February! I fucking hate you. I am miserable. I open my eyes and see this (taken at my bus stop):

I don't want to go anywhere and yet have cabin fever. I hate everyone and yet, feel lonely. Goddamnit February, get off my fucking back!!

School is getting mildly better. I decided that after my provisional here is up (October) I may start looking around the University for more student services-oriented jobs. I like my job, but I am going to need the experience when we move.
Oops! I've said too much...

Anyway, fuck February.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Hey! Over Here!

So here I am, alive and well, at least relatively speaking. Grad school is keeping me busy. I still can’t seem to wrap my head around exactly WHY the prospective teachers in one of my classes are so ignorant. It seems odd to me that people who champion education would be so ill-educated. For example, loudmouthed girl in front row (my only friend in grad school, Jo, and I had a debate about where she was from, given her accent. Me: Maine? Jo: I think she’s just pretentious.) Anyway, loudmouthed girl in front row is discussing (loudly, from the front row) how everyone in the room MUST have had the same upbringing as she had, with supportive parents and whatnot, because we had ‘made it this far.’

“Do you just think that because nearly everyone in the room is white?” I asked. Except I didn’t ask it, I just thought it really fucking hard while one girl near the back of the room pointed out, “I grew up in India.”

Or the fact that our professor was discussing the Pittsburgh Promise and how silly it is to pay kids for doing well in school, when one of my classmates (who is a teacher) did a presentation on how she motivates her students by paying them. Guhhhhh! Plus, why do all teachers dress like they’re living in 1996? I swear, no less than three girls in my class last night were wearing ribbed turtlenecks with the gold chain pulled-out-draped-over-the-top. You know what I mean? I am only vaguely stylish at best, once a week, and I know that this is not okay.

So that’s my “stupid” class. Then I have the “smart” class where I am the dumbest person ever and I imagine that my classmates are writing blogs about MY stupidity. Ay yi yi. So that’s school.

Why am I even bothering to update my blog, you might ask?

BECAUSE THERE ARE ONLY 47 DAYS UNTIL PIRATES OPENING DAY AND I AM SO EXCITED! See? I do this every damn year. please see last year’s entry called, “My Hopes Are High.” The subtitle was more accurate.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Aw Yeah Hell Yeah

Oh em gee, it's up.


After a few hours of yanking on my hair trying to figure out even the most basic CSS stuff while Rob set up his electronic drums and watched television (if you think it's easy to concentrate on lines and lines of code while someone plays electronic double bass and MTV shoves the insipid Kate Nash down your throat set to a backdrop of a reality show about...something, you're sorely mistaken), I finally managed to get the damn thing looking semi-presentable and wholly-functioning.

Take that internet, I WIN!!!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Life Is Stupid

It really is. Or at least, grad school and web design are. (Although, I really appreciate all your kind words about grad school! Thank you so much!)
My first class on Monday was actually not too bad—it was a little intimidating, but it seems like it will be challenging and interesting and applicable to what I want to be when I grow up. My fellow classmates seemed bright and energetic, and yada yada yada.

My second class, last night, is a requirement for everyone in the School of Education. It’s basically a class on how to teach, which I guess I understand why I have to take even though I’d rather stick a pair of tweezers in an electric socket than become a teacher (no offense to those who are/want to be. I just don’t have the patience/desire.) I guess my problem with the class is that I found it somewhat disheartening that so many of the future (and current!) educators in my class seemed to be no brighter than your average elementary schooler. Plus, I counted seven pairs of chunky heels in the classroom. CHUNKY HEELS. I’m not that superficial, but good lord, 1996 is dead and buried. Oh well, I guess you can’t win 'em all.

As for web design…as I discussed before, one of my new projects was going to be moving Food Sex to its own domain and really working on hyping it. So I buy my domain, hosting space, etc., and then try to upload Wordpress, and the whole thing just shits itself. I cannot for the life of me figure out what the problem is, and I’m not really technologically literate enough to read tutorials on fixing it and actually being able to do it. At this point, I’d love to just scrap the whole thing (I’m a quitter) but I paid 45 bucks for the domain and hosting, and I’m also cheap.

So this is me:


Thursday, January 03, 2008

Chicago, et al

So we just got back from our glorious vacation to Chicago (last year over Christmas, we went to Niagara Falls. I'm all, "Can't we go to Boca Raton or something?") and indeed, it was glorious. As is usual on our vacations, we totally nerded it up. We went to the Field Museum (the Ancient Americans exhibit was pretty fascinating) and the Shedd Aquarium (Seahorses are the only good breed of horse, for real) and this amazing rare/used bookstore in a football-field-sized room in which everything was under 10 bucks. We even caught the Steelers game in the hotel room with BEER WE BOUGHT IN A GAS STATION. For anyone that doesn't live in PA, you have to understand, buying beer in a gas station almost feels like you're putting one over on the man. Seriously. Pictures as soon as I get around to uploading them.

I start school on Monday. I'm actually pretty nervous--I am getting my Master's at the same school I got my BA (Pitt), so going into the bookstore yesterday was a bit of a weirdo throwback. It made me want to...I don't know...compete a case race and vomit all over my roommate, or something. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I Used to Work in Food Service, So It's Kind Of Okay

I just emailed this to Subway, Inc.

Dear Subway Powers-That-Be,
I am sure that with 28,582 restaurants in 85 countries, you are very busy in trying to monitor all of them. However, I feel it necessary to bring to your attention THE WORST SUBWAY IN AMERICA. Located on a busy urban street, sandwiched (pun very much intended) between two major universities (The University of Pittsburgh and Carnegie-Mellon University), this Subway location is in need of a serious course in management. In the two years that I have worked in an office on the next block, I have (foolishly) visited this restaurant countless times. I can assure you that I have never, ever seen the same employee there twice. I'm not sure if management is issuing beatings or what, but something is not right there.
Anyway, have you ever had a sandwich made by an employee on their first day of work? And it's not very good and you're like, "Well, it's their first day, can't blame 'em"? That's what every visit to the Craig Street Subway is like. A Quiznos recently opened on our block. I don't want to have to go there because I hate that it's called Quiznos Sub and not Quiznos Subs. Don't worry, I'll email them too.
Okay, now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "This is obviously NOT the worst Subway in America," but seriously, I had a veggie-on-wheat in a gas station in The Middle of Nowhere, Virginia that beat the pants off any veggie-on-wheat I have ever had at Craig Street, the worst Subway in America. Thus, I feel that I am correct in naming it as such. I've never been to a Subway in Europe, but if I ever make it there, 10 bucks says it's better than Craig Street.

Katie P.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Crazy Fucking Dream

Normally I hate when people talk about their dreams, but this is my blog and you can all eat my butt.

So last night I dreamed that I was trying to walk through a room that was full of people standing in very straight rows. They were all wearing gorilla masks with big pointy ears and each one was holding a big shiny butcher’s knife. Some of the people in the masks were my friends, and the others were trying to kill me. I couldn’t tell who was who, and as I walked past, the ‘bad’ gorillas would lunge at me with their knives. I woke up trying to run from the bed. Poor Rob.

Anyway, kind of telling, don’t you think? Maybe it’s time to do something about the parasitic people in my life that disguise themselves as friends.

Whoa. So emo. Where’s my Livejournal? Geez.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

An Open Letter to the Pittsburgh Pirates, Part 345843

Dear Pittsburgh Pirates organization in general, GM Neal Huntington in particular:


So. You guys hired a new manager, huh? (Hint to readers: it wasn’t me.)
So um, tell me. Why did you pick this guy? I mean, didn’t you fire him a few years ago for NOT BEING ABLE TO TELL WHEN PLAYERS SHOULD RUN FROM THIRD TO HOME?! Sounds like a quality candidate to manage the entirety of this team.

Mr. Huntington, this was your first major decision as the Pirates’ GM. And you know what? It fucking stinks. Why did we pick this guy? Because he was one of the cheapest options. When will this organization learn that buying cheaply gets you nothing? I guess never. Thanks, Nuttings.

My beloved Pirates, it’s been a decade and a half. You’re losing us. I’ll still be there at Opening Day, probably clutching a sign that says We Will! (Be Better This Year? Please?) But as hard as it is for me to say this, I already dread this season. I want to believe that things will be different, but it seems that nothing has changed but the faces. The attitude is the same, and that attitude (the frugality, the cutting corners, the acting as though winning doesn't matter) is a dangerous thing. If things don’t get better—- I don’t know. It’s hard for me to say, “I won’t be there,” because I love baseball so much. But why should I believe?

Help me, Pirates. I don’t wanna feel like this.

All my love and lots of sadness,

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Mayoral Race, Part 2: The Conclusion

Well, it’s over, and if you remember in my first blog about the race, I was torn as to where my vote was going.

In the end, I voted for Luke, and here’s why:
No one had given me a good reason to vote for DeSantis. All I heard was, “Well, he isn’t Luke.” Yes, I think in terms of professionalism, he’d be a better candidate. But professionalism does not a city run. He seemed like a nice guy who urged people to think “outside the box,” as he said in his speech last night, but really, what does that mean for this city? People, his ideas were frightening. The city-county merger, one of the top issues on his agenda, would essentially fuck city residents—- as would the potential of doing away with residency requirements for city employees. As a resident of this city, my neighbors are the ones I want to see 1) make the decisions that affect us and 2) protect us.
I do not want cops who go home to cushy houses in Upper Saint Clair patrolling my neighborhood. I want cops who are raising a family in this city patrolling my neighborhood.
I do not, as I’ve mentioned before, want the Fox Chapel Yacht Club members deciding what happens to public transit. I want the people who USE public transit to decide. Things like that. If DeSantis had become mayor, I think that urban issues would have been largely ignored.
Furthermore, some of the sentiments on the Democrats for DeSantis site were actually frightening: "Some of these old people shouldn't be allowed to vote because, let's face it, they do not care about the issues that are important to you and me."
Are you kidding me??

And while he may have made some very public faux pas, many people forget that Luke has, in fact, submitted two incredibly balanced budgets, something this city had not seen since before the Murphy administration. The issues he cares about are the issues I care about. In fact, I feel as though many people who supported DeSantis just kind of bandwagon-ed it as a response to not liking the incumbent, and many of the DeSantis supporters I met were even more braindead than your average yinzer. That is a sad state of affairs for a campaign.

Whatever. It’s over, and the margin of victory was as expected. As Joe put it while trying to get me to come directly to Maxipads’ practice after work instead of going home to vote, “Fuck voting. Luke is gonna win whether you, me or all of Bloomfield votes.”
Thanks Pittsburgh, I think you made the right choice.* ** ***

*In publicly admitting who I voted for, I reserve all rights to bitch about political leadership from this point forward.
** I also reserve the right to continue referring to Luke Ravenstahl as “Mayor Doogie.”
***The Pirates hired a new manager. I didn’t even get a rejection letter. But that, my friends, is a whole different blog.

Friday, October 19, 2007

You Say Goodbye, And I Say Hello

So, a lot of changes recently. Actually, in the last five days I was both accepted to grad school and given a promotion (and a substantial raise. Eep!) I registered for classes for the spring term and I moved from my little cubicle in the back to my very own office near the front door.

I’m a little nervous about going back to school, time-management-wise. I know I can do it— for those of you who didn’t know me back then, I put myself through undergrad by working almost full-time in an office, and taking my classes at night or during my lunch break. I also worked a second job (bagels!!) in the summer and found the time to get belligerently drunk most nights while maintaining a functional (if incredibly unhealthy) relationship. I know I can work full-time/go to school at night/play in the Maxipads/have time to spend with my loved ones.

One of the things that I think will probably suffer is this blog. I read so many blogs, every day. SO many. Mostly local people, but some not. Some people I know in real life, some I don’t. Some people I like in real life, some I really don’t. In reading them, I’ve figured out what I do and don’t like in blogs and writers. For instance, it’s difficult to read all about—I don’t know—someone whining about their boy/girlfriend, going shopping, doing poorly on an exam. It’s like, “Cool...so?” Some people can pull it off, no doubt (witty people and talented writers) but for the most part, it seems to come off as drivel. I’ve found that blogs I enjoy the most are content-based, focused on a subject. Hell, I’ve been reading tech blogs about the iPhone even though the most high-tech gadget I own is a can opener, and I’ve enjoyed those. On that note, I’ve been doing this blog for nearly two years. How many more stories can I tell about the Maxipads, my cats, or falling down in public? Well, scratch that. Falling down in public is always funny.

As you all know, I recently started http://food-sex.blogspot.com. I’m really, really pumped about this. A lot of people have been telling me what a good idea it is, and my cousin-friend at Urban Velo suggested that I move Food Sex to its own domain and really focus on getting traffic to it. So I think that’s what I’m gonna do.

I’ll still update here from time to time. Check in sometimes, and then if/when Food Sex folds miserably, I’ll be back, talking about falling down in the liquor store parking lot and permanently injuring my knee, but WORSE, smashing the bottle of wine in my hand.


Thursday, October 11, 2007

Get Dahn!

It's time for the second inaugural I Really Fucking Hate Thursdays playlist! I wonder how long I can keep this up for? Probably not too long; I'm lazy.

Anyway, here it is. Remember that you can download each song individually or the entire playlist at the bottom.

1. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Down Boy (I really don’t like the majority of this EP, but this is the only song on it where Karen O doesn’t sound like she’s trying to squeeze out a huge turd while she’s singing.)
2. Velvet Teen- Naked Girl
3. Rainer Maria- Life of Leisure
4. Spoon- You Got Yr Cherry Bomb
5. The Lemonheads- If I Could Talk I’d Tell You
6. Talking Heads- Road to Nowhere
7. Cat Power- He War

And the whole thing is right here.

Enjoy, and may your Thursday go quickly.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Ooh, A New Job!

This document, along with a copy of my real, honest-to-goodness resume, is in an envelope on my desk waiting to be mailed because it's goddamn Columbus Day, which means that the mail doesn't run on days commemorating genocide. I honestly think I have a shot at it.

Pittsburgh Pirates
Baseball Operations
115 Federal Street
Pittsburgh, PA 15212
Attn: Mr. Neal Huntingdon, General Manager

Dear Mr. Huntingdon:

I am writing in regards to the open managerial position within the Pirates’ organization. As a lifelong fan, I am whole-heartedly dedicated to bringing this team back to the glorious champions they were two decades ago.

As I am sure you do not need to be reminded, a large portion of the Pirates’ problem over the last several years has been personnel issues. It never seemed as though the right players were on the field. As a Human Resources professional at the University of Pittsburgh, I have much experience in selecting the best person for a job. I feel confident that I could select solid relief pitchers, a position that has caused many a loss for the team. I believe that I have the judgment and foresight to not bench players who are on a hot streak. In short, my experience in handling personnel will certainly come in handy when I become the new Pirates manager.

Moreover, it’s been well-noted that the Pirates’ young franchise needs discipline, and that former manager Jim Tracy did not do much in the way of providing it. Let’s face it, no one provides discipline like a woman. I will run this team like a tight ship. I will instill in the players a sense of pride in the organization. Moreover, I am fairly certain that my screaming will frighten umpires nationwide.

I realize that my lack of baseball management experience may be considered a factor against me in your final hiring decision; however, I’d like to point out that I’ve watched approximately 75% of all Pirates games in the last three years, and more like 50% before that. If you take into account that I began consciously viewing Pirates' games around the age of eight, that means I've watched approximately 1,419 games since 1992, the last year we had a winning season. Furthermore, I also have not been to work on Opening Day in the last three years. I truly believe this qualifies as experience. This, coupled with my desire to rejuvenate a team that has been losing for more than half my lifetime, will make me one of the most successful managers in history, if only you will give me a chance.

Attached is my resume for your consideration. Please feel free to contact me at the phone number or email address listed on my resume if you would like to discuss this further.

Thank you for your time and consideration, and I greatly look forward to hearing from you. Let’s go Bucs!


Friday, October 05, 2007

Loser of the Day/MEGA Loser of the Day

1. Page-a-Day calendars
Seriously, fuck page-a-day calendars. Or at least, fuck the one sitting on my desk at work.

Let me back up. Robbo’s dad gave me one for Christmas last year, full of snarky and cynical jokes. This is actually really nice, as it says he understands my sense of humor. I’m snarky, and goddamn am I cynical. Most days, I love the calendar. I sit down at my desk in the morning, tear off the previous day's, and I laugh. Thanks a lot, page-a-day calendar!

But some days, the calendar says weird and depressing things. One day, on which I was coincidentally having a really bad morning, I ripped off the previous day to see the words, “It’s never the chipped dishes that break.” And you know what? It’s true. What a bummer. I think I cried at my desk. THANKS A LOT, PAGE-A-DAY CALENDAR.

Today’s thought of the day is a three-fold:
1. You can’t win.
2. You can’t break even.
3. You can’t even quit the game.

I’m half-tempted to just throw the whole damn thing in the trash. Fuck you, page-a-day calendar. You're my LOSER OF THE DAY.

2. Hi, Jim Tracy? You're the MEGA LOSER OF THE DAY. You'd think I'd be excited about the prospect of new on-field management, but I'm not. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
Honestly, the ending of this season hurts a little too much to talk about. 15 years. This is a milestone, people.

You know how they say that women release a hormone when they give birth that causes them to forget about the horrors of labor? I think I release the same hormone for Pirates’ seasons. By October, I am pained and disgusted. I cannot imagine watching another losing season—it's just too much for me to bear.
But then, by April, I’m so excited, I can barely contain it. I request to take a vacation day on Opening Day about six weeks in advance. I read every report that comes out of spring training. I can be heard saying things like, “This year is gonna be our year!” and “I’ll bet you (insert high stake here) that the Pirates go .500 this year!”
Oh wait. See this entry from this past March, aptly titled My Hopes are High.

Cue “Another One Bites the Dust.”

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Fuck a Bunch of Thursdays

I hate Thursdays. Man, do I really hate Thursdays. I inevitably wake up thinking it’s Friday, and get all pumped to do nothing at work and then come home and start the weekend, and then I rub my eyes and realize it’s Thursday, it’s motherfucking Thursday, and I have a meeting every Thursday at 9am in which I have to attempt to impress people, and I just want to pull the blankets over my head and stay there until Friday.

So, rather than dwell on my Thursday hatred, I’m adding a new feature to my blog—the Thursday playlist. (I’m all about the gimmicks this week!)

Anyway, the Thursday playlist will just be seven songs of my choosing that you can download from Sendspace individually or as a playlist. The files will be available for download for (I think) one month.

The inaugural seven:

1. Cake- Mexico
2. George Harrison- Got My Mind Set on You
3. Party of Helicopters- Cover Me
4. Beirut- In the Mausoleum
5. Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton- Reading in Bed
6. Queen- Don’t Stop Me Now
7. Minus the Bear- Knights

And the whole thing is right here.

Kind of a weird mix, but whatever. Party on.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The Launch!

So, I've had this project in the works for a few months now, a food blog called Food Sex that I wanted to start. I cook just about every night, and I'm always trying new stuff, and I like to eat eat eat, so I figured, why not subject the internet to me talking about food? That's just what the internet needs! More talking!

Anyway, Robbo and I started working on it back in July (he's taking all the pictures and reviewing the food, because I am seriously a turd with a camera) and it was like, we couldn't get the pictures right, the lighting was bad and it made the food look bad, etc etc. But lately, we've been making all this good food that would be fun to write about it, and it's all going to waste. So finally I'm just saying fuck it. I'll put up the pictures of not-so-good looking food and we'll learn from it. It's launching tonight. Enjoy.

Monday, October 01, 2007

It Takes A Genius to Make Microwave Popcorn

Subtitle: What Do You Mean, You Don't Put it in for 10 Minutes and Then Walk Away?

Sub-Subtitle: That Smell is Nauseating

Sub-sub-subtitle: Things My Coworkers do that Annoy Me

Sub-sub-sub-subtitle: I Guess I Don't Even Really Need to Write an Entry, Do I?

Friday, September 28, 2007

Oh, Fridays.

Today at work I had to sit at the front desk and play receptionist, a task that I hate because, well, I hate most people. Good thing I work in Human Resources, right? Anyway, it’s payday for our temporary employees, so they were lining up to pick up their checks. An older man was at the front of the line, and he took quite a long time to sign his name with shaky hands.
Meanwhile, the two younger men behind him were clearly trying to hold back laughter.
The old man left, but the younger men kept chuckling. I was starting to get annoyed. “Are you laughing at me?” I asked.
“Naw!” said one of the younger men. “That old man just kept ripping them!”
I stared at him blankly for a moment. I looked at the other young man. He brought his hands to his mouth and blew air. “PFFFFFLLLLTTTT!!!”
Suddenly, I understood. And I laughed.

Nothing like an old man farting all over your desk.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

An Ode to Wharton Square: How I Loathe Thee

Subtitle: But I Love the Convenience!!

Oh, Wharton Square. I feel like I say these words so often. Always in the same tone: exasperated, but not exasperated enough to give up on you.

For those of you not familiar with the Pittsburgh area, Wharton Square is the strip mall of the Southside. Well, the less classy strip mall, now that Southside Works was constructed.

It’s an amazing place. Sort of. I am there constantly because I cannot seem to get all of my groceries for the week at once. Also, I am always in too much of a hurry after practice or the gym or on the way to a show, or yada yada yada, to go all the way out to Whole Foods or the Co-op or, you know, anywhere that I wouldn’t feel dirty shopping. I’d prefer to forget at least seven various items, of which I will inevitably need one each day, and thus, I never have to miss a single day of Wharton Square!

Why, in the parking lot alone, one can experience the wonders of recyclables (empty 40s), wildlife preserves (chicken bones) and elements of beauty (hair extensions)? Seriously, the other day Robbo and I were walking up to the doors of Giant Eagle when a balled-up hair extension rolled across our path. “It’s like tumbleweed!” I remarked.

Wharton Square also conveniently has the local liquor store—also the site of my accident last winter that I laughed off at the time, but turned out to be semi-serious for my knee. Thanks a lot, Wharton Square. Put some salt on that shit!
Anyway, between food and liquor, I spend a lot of time here. But, let's not forget-- there is also: a Payless! A Bo Rics! A suspicious-looking Chinese food place! A Dots (I’d never even heard of a Dots until I moved to the Southside and met Missi Dymond. I've never actually been inside but...well, it's there.)Woo!

And then there are jitneys. OH, are there jitneys! Personally, I like them. They’re always nice, even though I never need transportation. At first, Robbo didn’t understand the concept of a jitney (“I don’t get it, are they tailgating or something?”) but now he too has a soft spot for them. There are small children dancing and running (in front of cars, or sometimes the bus), there are charities collecting for a cause (the Southside crazies need change too) and it’s lovely to see an example of all drivers being neighborly (there are no laws in the parking lot. Complete anarchy.)

I couldn’t find a single photo of Wharton Square on Google Images, so instead, please enjoy this satellite view of WS, in all its majesty, right there next to what is arguably the dirtiest of our three rivers, the Monongahela.

Oh, Wharton Square.
I’d give you up, if only Mama didn’t need a bottle of wine tonight!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Recap (Super Big Picture Post!)

So, here's everything that's happened over the last month or so that I haven't covered on this blog. Because, let's face it. You want to know what I am doing every single second. Seriously.

Robbo and I celebrated an anniversary--he took me out on the town, nothing but the finest for me.
See also: Dee's has the cheapest PBR pitchers in town.

Then, we got dinner. I mean, it was a big night.
MMMM Vesuvio's!

Then we went to three other bars, and then we somehow made it home. This is us in the kitchen. The picture isn't out of focus, that's just really how we look. Please also note Mr. Poopies having a 2AM snack behind us.

A few weeks later, we were lucky enough to get to go to the Steelers/Eagles preseason game.
Sometimes I'm not sure how I live with him. BOO EAGLES! GO STILLERS!

One of the amazing things about this town is our obsessive love for the Pittsburgh Steelers, a phenomenon I've talked a lot about on this blog. The tailgates for this preseason game looked like a playoff game. The excitement was almost tangible:

We are also lucky enough to have wonderful friends. RJ & Nicole:

Steelers won, of course.

Mama's a drunk.

Then, over Labor Day weekend, I made my first camping excursion.

Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mind sleeping on the ground, dirt, bugs, things like that. It just seemed silly to me to load up two vehicles to the point that we couldn't possibly fit another object in order to 'get back to nature.'

To be fair, it was beautiful along the Youghiogheny River:

Meet your new neighbors!

We got there, and the Lizzard and I sat down to...um...well, let's not lie, we were having a drink:

...while our boyfriends did the rugged, outdoorsy thing:

Things at the homefront are good, too. The kitties are well:

And my hibiscus is still blooming:

So. Life ain't so bad, huh?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

THIS is Awesome

Seriously. From the AP:

Nebraska State Senator Sues God

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — The defendant in a state senator's lawsuit is accused of causing untold death and horror and threatening to cause more still. He can be sued in Douglas County, the legislator claims, because He's everywhere.

State Sen. Ernie Chambers sued God last week. Angered by another lawsuit he considers frivolous, Chambers says he's trying to make the point that anybody can file a lawsuit against anybody.

Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused "widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants."

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused "fearsome floods ... horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes."

He's seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

Chambers said the lawsuit was triggered by a federal suit filed against a judge who recently barred words such as "rape" and "victim" from a sexual assault trial.

The accuser in the criminal case, Tory Bowen, sued Lancaster District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront, claiming that he violated her free speech rights.

Chambers said Bowen's lawsuit is inappropriate because the Nebraska Supreme Court has already considered the case and federal courts follow the decisions of state supreme courts on state matters.

"This lawsuit having been filed and being of such questionable merit creates a circumstance where my lawsuit is appropriately filed," Chambers said. "People might call it frivolous but if they read it they'll see there are very serious issues I have raised."

U.S. District Judge Richard Kopf, in an order last week, expressed doubts about whether Bowen's lawsuit "has any legal basis whatsoever" and said sanctions may be imposed against Bowen and her attorneys if they fail to show cause for the lawsuit.

The Associated Press usually does not identify accusers in sex-assault cases, but Bowen has allowed her name to be used publicly because of the issue over the judge's language restrictions.

Cheuvront declared a mistrial in the sexual assault trial in July, saying pretrial publicity made it impossible to gather enough impartial jurors.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Like an Episode of Seinfeld

Subtitle: The End of an Era?

Yesterday, Robbo and I took a sick day. We’ve both had nasty coughs, headaches, fevers, etc. all week, and decided to just take the day off. By evening, we were antsy from being in the house all day and went for a walk around Southside.

Allow me to preface the following with this: I was so excited a few years ago when Dave Wannstedt came to coach the Pitt Panthers. SO excited. I’d had a crush on him since he coached at Miami. It’s the moustache, it’s just so cute.

See? Cute!

In the past few months, I’d run into Dave Wannstedt all over the place. I saw him at the corner of Fifth and Bellefield when I was waiting for a bus to practice, just walking around Oakland. I saw him when I ran the Father’s Day/Prostate Cancer 5K back in June, walking the opposite way along the race route, congratulating the runners. Each time I was like, “Eeeeeeeep! Dave Wannstedt!! I hope I look okay!” Yeah, I’m a loser. Whatever.

So last night, as we were walking down Carson Street, we noticed a large group of Pitt fans facing out a storefront window (I think it was Pittsburgh Steak Company.) An instant later, I realized it was a taping of the Dave Wannstedt Show, and Dave Wannstedt himself was sitting with his back to the window. As we passed, he turned and looked out. I began frantically grinning and waving. After a moment, Dave Wannstedt lifted his hand and waved back.

Robbo: He hesitated.
Me: He did, didn’t he?
Robbo: He didn’t want to wave to you.
Me: No…he didn’t.
Robbo: I mean, he waved back.
Me: Yeah…but he hesitated.
Robbo: Yeah.
Me: I can’t believe he hesitated!
Robbo: Yeah, well…
Me: Fucking Dave Wannstedt.
Robbo: But, he did wave back!

And thus, I believe my crush died. Who hesitates before returning a wave, anyway?

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Football Season, Football Season, It’s Motherfucking Football Season!!

It was another disappointing year for the Buccos, though I’ll cop to watching nearly every game that I was able to. And, you know, going to a bunch and giving them my hard-earned money to continue to suck. But the fact that we played so well in August (and so far in September) does give me the slightest glimmer of hope for next year, given we don’t make any really shitty roster moves. Jack Wilson started playing like fucking magic when ownership stopped talking about trading him. Don’t trade him.

But right now, I’m not even thinking about the Bucs. Why? Because tonight begins football season. I have been waiting seven long months for this, and I feel that the Steelers are going to have a good team this year, if the O-line can keep from self-destructing. Also, I’m pretty psyched that they’re coming off a bad year for two reasons:
1) A new attitude. They went from winning the Super Bowl to missing the playoffs. What a reality check that must have been. Now they’re hungry, they have something to prove. I believe.
2) Weeding out the fair-weather fans. Hopefully, last year’s 8-8 debacle will prevent some of those irritating yinzer girls in their platform flipflops from coming out to the bar to watch the game in their pink and white Roethlisberger jersey. You know what I mean? Seriously, go root for the Pens, they were good last year and then you can feel good about getting behind a winning team. Don't worry, I'm sure they'll soon come out with pink Crosby/Staal/Malkin jerseys.
Fair. Fucking. Weather. Blah!

Anyway. Tonight it’s the Colts and the Saints, a game I couldn’t particularly care less about, especially because I think this year, the Colts are going to hit the same post-championship slump that the Steelers did last year. I may be totally off-base with this, but I don't see them being much of a threat in the AFC this year. The rest of the AFC is a different story. I'll get into this later. I mean, did you really expect a blog entry about anything but football until February?

Ooh, wait. I do have this: so, we went camping over Labor Day weekend, and I learned a lot about the outdoors, and um...roughing it, and...bringing enough beer. I have to bust out the pictures of the weekend. Camping may not be for me, but at least I gave it a shot, right?

Finally, I just overheard someone in my office say “Reesey Cups.”
Dear God, sometimes I really hate the city of Pittsburgh.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Whoa, Did You Know That Michael Vick is in Trouble?!

Subtitle: Hero of the Day, Vol. 6

So, I was trying to watch Monday Night Football, and Michael Vick wasn’t even playing and all they could talk about was Michael Vick, so I guess he is in some kind of trouble, or something? I'm not sure. If anyone can fill me in on what happened, that’d be great.

Juuuust kidding. I’m so tired of Michael Vick, I wish the media would get eaten by pitbulls. I turned on Sportscenter the other day, as I do every morning, and the topics list on the side read: Vick, Vick and the Falcons, Dogfighting in the US, Prison Time?, Vick’s Career, AL Playoff Race. Yeah.

Kill me. Listen, the torture and killing of dogs makes no one sadder than me. I’d care a lot less if it was the torture and killing of, say, American corporate executives, seriously. At least there are people in the world who probably deserve it. Hmm...too far? Anyway...

I don’t want to hear any more about it. I don’t want to hear if Tony Kornheiser thinks Vick might go to jail. I don’t want to know what Suzy Kolber overheard from an animal rights activist. I don’t want to see that clip of Michael Vick OBVIOUSLY not believing a thing he’s saying in his “apology speech.” I do not want to know. Stop talking about it.

You know what I do want? I want Joey Harrington (whom I’ve always liked because he reminds me of the meathead older brother on sitcoms) to have an incredible season. People, Michael Vick was overrated! And I think Joey Harrington is way, way underrated. I think he just got a bad reputation with a REALLY bad team in Detroit.

And come on, look at him!

He’s so likeable. He looks dopey, but plays jazz piano. He goes by the name of “Joey.” That’s cool!

I like you, Joey Harrington. You’re my hero of the day! Keep on keeping on.

Friday, August 24, 2007

I Am Going to Get So Fat!!

Oh SHIT!!!

From today’s Post-Gazette:

Dunkin' Donuts apparently has spotted a huge hole in the Pittsburgh market. The Massachusetts-based purveyor of doughnuts, coffee and other baked goods said yesterday it reached the largest store development agreement in history, signing a deal with Heartland Coffee Co. of Pittsburgh for 105 restaurants in Allegheny County in the next several years. The first new stores will open at undisclosed locations within 18 months, the company said. There currently are 10 Dunkin' Donuts in the Pittsburgh area.

I don’t even like donuts. What I do like, however, is Dunkin’ Donuts egg-and-cheese bagel. It’s the only really gross fast food item (excluding the Taco Bell bean burrito, and that’s not even that gross) that I really enjoy, and at 15 grams of fat apiece, no light breakfast. They’re a tough score around here, as the downtown location closed last year. Also, going to Dunkin’ Donuts is one of the few nice memories I have of visiting my ex-boyfriend in Philadelphia. Actually, it’s the only one. Anyway.

Also, 105 stores…estimate 20 employees per store, that’s 2100 new jobs in the southwestern PA area. With the rising minimum wage, these will be decent jobs for a lot of people. I am pretty awesomely psyched on this.

Remember this guy?


Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Shit Just Ain't Going My Way


Have you ever had one of those weeks where every possible thing that could go wrong, does? It's not even major stuff--well, not really. One fairly big thing:

-I didn't get a job that I had done two interviews for and really, really wanted. I thought I had it wrapped up (alternate choice, my ass. Alternate THIS, BITCHESSSSS!)

And then, just a series of minor things:

-I discovered a package of Ramen noodles on the floor of our pantry with a corner chewed off and a bunch of the noodles gone. This means one of two things: either living with me has shorted a fuse in Robbo's brain, or we have mice. My money's on the mice.

-There is an odd smell emanating from the kitchen that I can't find the source of. Can I blame the mice for this, too?

-Steely McBeam. Seriously, I'm not even going to bitch about Steely McBeam because you've heard it all before. You know damn well why I hate him. I'm just going to chalk him up to one of the shitty things happening this week.

(Taken from a notboto board poster.)

-I'm back to not sleeping much. But on the plus side, I've watched about 20 episodes of Ninja Warrior this week.

-I decided to take a short break from running, since I was putting all this ridiculous pressure on myself and had stopped enjoying it. I realize that this is conscious choice and not something that "happened to me," but it's making me a little crazy nonetheless.

-I'm hormonal. What do you want? At least I'm not crying at Stouffer's commercials anymore.

I am, however, crying at the Pittsburgh Pirates. You assholes really let me down. I'm glad I never made the CAMP RONNY sign because as I was typing this entry, I saw Ronny Paulino make a play (or more accurately, NOT make a play) that looked less professional than the Little League World Series. One more year of failure under our belts. Is it too soon to say that? No, I don't think so. Thanks for being just one more disappointment. Turds.

It's only Wednesday. I bet I forget to wear pants to work or something.

One totally awesome thing happening this week:
Tomorrow night (Thursday), the Maxipads are playing at the Firehouse Lounge in the Strip District.

From their website: "The Firehouse Lounge is a distinctive nightlife experience for those who appreciate a sophisticated yet casual environment."

Yeah. Sounds like it's MADE for us!

(Yes, all three of us are wearing dresses.)

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Don't You Hate It When People Make You Look at Vacation Pictures?

Subtitle: Don't Worry, I Don't Expect You To Care

So, we’re back.

And I’m back at work. Oh wait, I forgot! I don’t work; I’m on welfare! (See also: the cruelty of Dave Matthews fans.) But I’m seriously done talking about that.

Anyway— vacation was amazing. Just what I/we needed. We spent most of our time lying around on the beach:

Didn't you know that I have gigantic shoulder disease? I do. It's not funny. Whap! Seriously, I don't know what's up with that.

I told Robbo that his legs would probably get hot if he wore his sweater-pants to the beach, but I dunno, he wore them anyway.

On Friday, we went deep sea fishing. Yeah. Deep. Sea. Fishing.
Things that I don’t do very well:
1) Freestyle rap
2) Pee standing up

The first two hours on the boat were beautiful:

Too bad they were also quite possibly some of the worst of my life. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach the movement of the boat, so I popped two Dramamine before we left. At 4:45am. Did you know that Dramamine will make you sleepy? I didn’t.
It also didn’t keep me from being nauseated, just from throwing up. So I’m on the boat, sick as a dog but unable to vomit, unable to keep my eyes open, and thinking, “only 8 more hours of this!” At one point, it began to rain and I didn’t even notice until I opened my eyes and everyone was inside the cabin and I was soaked. Completely oblivious. It was like college, but without the fun.
Eventually, I got used to the wobbling of the boat, but vowed never to do it again, as Robbo puked over the railing. We’re definitely land-people.


Ahem. Anyway.
We also went to the previously-mentioned Cape Hatteras lighthouse:

This is us doing the stand-here-and-smile picture in front of the lighthouse. The man that took it for us carried his own camera around in a Crown Royal bag. I complimented it and he glared at me and said, "It gets the job done." Ooookay.

I have to say, one of my favorite parts of the trip was staying in Richmond on the way down--our very first stop was to a gas station. You know, to buy beer. Because it's NOT Pennsylvania. I always forget about this luxury until I leave the state, and then I'm all, OH! Thank you GOD! Here's us being grateful:

Yes, those are 32-ounce Colt 45s, affectionately dubbed "thoh-ties." You know, like foh-ties. Forget it.

And you know what? Despite not being able to buy alcohol anywhere I damn well please, it's still pretty good to be home.

Monday, July 30, 2007

The Rock Revolution Won't Be Televised

I’d considered writing this entry as a devotion of thanks to the Dave Matthews fans whose helpful advice and constructive criticism about how I must be on welfare, be ugly, be unloved, be desperate, be conservative, be a teenybopper, be utterly evil helped me to come to the realization that Dave Matthews is OHMYGODTHEBESTTHINGEVER!!!111!!one!

I had planned to reassure everyone that I was, in fact, listening to “Under the Table and Dreaming” while frantically masturbating to a VHS copy of “Because of Winn Dixie” and etching a prison ink-style tattoo of “DMB4EVA” in the flesh directly over my heart.

However, I’d like to be able to open my email without seeing my inbox full of notifications from Blogger that 30 more nameless people have said something contradictory, nonsensical and often downright ignorant in the semi-anonymity of the internet, or tried to start a fight with one of my friends (Hi Trapper! Hi Cimba! Hi Notboto Board posters!)
Plus, geez. You all just said the same thing over and over, and to be honest, it stopped being funny after the fourth or fifth post. I guess it stands to reason that rabid fans of an unoriginal musical act wouldn’t be too original in their insults.

However, I do appreciate all the return visits to my blog—the increased traffic has been awesome. Also, the other two members of the Maxipads thank you very much for all of the plays on our MySpace. Please purchase our album.

I was honestly surprised that a lot of people, even after hearing my band, assumed that I was a teenybopper—sort of weird, especially considering that Dave Matthews is like Mr. Radio, and I’m in a loud punk rock band. Who’s the teenybopper? Then I realized that despite how important (and time-consuming) music is in my life, I rarely talk about what I’m into on this blog. So here’s what I’m listening to these days.

Oh, and I disabled comments because, well, I own this blog, so thus, I get the last word. And the last word is that Dave Matthews is crap, and stuff that I like is awesome.

So! My current rotation:

Metric- Old World Underground
This is one of those albums that I’ll listen to until I can’t stand it anymore, and then I’ll put it away for about a week and pull it back out, because it’s so damn good.

Jawbreaker- Dear You
This came out in 1995, and it took me 12 years to appreciate it.

Minus the Bear- Planet of Ice
I’m a huge Minus the Bear fan, and Robbo and I got an advance copy of their new record, Planet of Ice, that is due out next month. It’s seriously amazing, it’ll blow you away.

Rainer Maria- Catastrophe Keeps Us Together
RM’s last album ever, so that’s a bummer, but it was also their most polished and I’d say, cohesive. Give it a listen.

My Niece Denise- Don’t Get Your Hopes Up
An awesome showing from a local Pittsburgh quartet—I do the same thing with this that I do with the Metric album in trying to put it away for awhile and the next thing I know, I’m dancing around to “Big in Japan.”

Spoon- Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
I like this. I’ve always been a casual Spoon fan, and this was their first record that really grabbed me. Yeah.

Rihanna- Umbrella
Yeah, I downloaded the single, so what. Oh wait, guess that makes me a teenybopper. Whatever, this song is hot.


Saturday, July 28, 2007

Who Knew?!

Well. As it turns out, plenty of people still like Dave Matthews. Shameful, really, but this is America.
Some people like good food; some people like McDonald's.
Some people like good books; some people like Dean Koontz.
Some people like good music and then-- some people like Dave Matthews.

Unfortunately for Mr. Matthews, the cross-section of humanity that sprang to his defense...well, not the creme de la creme, if you will.

ewww, first off, the name of your band is gross. 2nd...how disrespectful is that song, "jonbenet?!" come on now. you have NO room talking about dave like that.

I guess none of you have heard that really obscure Dave Matthews B-side, "I Like Fucking Little Boys." I guess you're not a REAL fan!

I'm so sorry for you on so many levels. I can only hope one day you can open up and find DMB you will be a born again human being!

Then maybe Dave Matthews can take me out to a remote farm and feed me some poisioned Kool-Aid. Creeeepy!!!

Seek up little girl before you do become a danger to self or others.

You know, I couldn't figure out why I so enjoyed drinking until I blacked out and then driving at high speeds. Then this commenter brought it to light--it's because I hate Dave Matthews! Obviously!!

I think I may devote the rest of this blog to hating on pathetic, has-been pop icons. It's so much fun!!

Ha!! Or maybe not. I mean...honestly, it just seems too easy!

Friday, July 27, 2007

Blasts from the Past

So. I just signed on to MySpace to see this, under Featured Music:
Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds
Check out the exclusive MySpace Music Video Premiere of Dave Matthews & Tim Reynolds performing "Eh Hee," live at Radio City Music Hall!

Are you KIDDING me? People STILL listen to Dave Matthews? Did you know this?? WHAT KIND OF WORLD DO WE LIVE IN WHERE THIS MAN IS STILL RELEVANT?!
Not to mention the fact that the name of the song is “Eh Hee.” EH HEE, PEOPLE. I’m seriously going to make a recording of me farting all over a snare drum, and I’m going to package it up really nice and sell it to all the fucking douchebags in the world that still listen to Dave Matthews.

I mean, seriously. Don’t you just want to jam a tennis ball in there and be like, “Stop it, okay? Just stop.”

Speaking of blasts from the past, Lizzard and I are currently working on re-collecting the entire Sweet Valley High book series, because it was formative in our respective childhoods, and oh, also—ruined our lives.

It gave me such unrealistic expectations—somehow I thought that when I got to high school, I would be blonde and blue-eyed (I’m Italian), rich (I grew up in a Nascar family) and beautiful (don’t even get me started) and that boys would be throwing themselves at my feet, and that I’d drive a convertible, and have a date every weekend night, and would have to make up my mind about which boy to go to the dance with. Yeah. NOT SO MUCH, SWEET VALLEY HIGH. NOT. SO. MUCH.

I remember in 7th grade, I got the series of three or four books where the twins are camp counselors via mail-order. Bear in mind that in 7th grade, I was only 11 years old while the other kids were 13, some nearly 14, as I had been pushed through the early schooling years. Not only did this fuck me up socially for a bit, but hi, PUBERTY? Nowhere to be found.

So there I am, a child when everyone else is growing into adults, and what does that get you in 7th grade? Relentlessly mocked. I remember one day that it was particularly bad, I was crying in a stall in the bathroom. Suddenly, I remembered that I had just gotten these books in the mail, and I cheered up instantly. Then I looked in the mirror, and realized what a nerd I truly was. And to this day, I’ve embraced it.

Plus I finally grew boobs, so that probably helped too.