Hi Pitt!
I graduated from you, and now I work for you. I had a lot of fun when I attended you. And now, I like my job (ever since they’ve hired someone to take on that pesky second-person’s-work I was doing.) You pay me...well, not a lot, but enough to keep up my lifestyle, most of the time. So in terms of you and me, I’d say we have a pretty good relationship. Thanks, Pitt. I appreciate it.
I have one beef, though. Were you aware, Pitt, that when you raised the academic standards for admission, you’d in effect be UGLY-ING UP THE ENTIRE CAMPUS? Seriously. Broads be hideous. When I attended you (and it was easy to get in) there were attractive people everywhere. Everywhere! It was a veritable cesspool of sexy. According to Robbo, he used to not be able to walk from his apartment to class without seeing, and I quote, “a handful of hot girls. Like, real hot girls.” Now, I sit outside on my break and it looks like the busted train is coming through. Not good, Pitt.
Over the course of the last 6 years, since I gained admission to you, you’ve raised the standards for admission astronomically. I’m very smart, but I don’t think I would get in if I was applying for 2007 admission instead of 2001. Yikes! While this has probably made my degrees worth more, as in, slightly less worthless, if I visited this campus, I’d be like, “Why the hell is everyone so ugly?” Except I probably wouldn’t care, because if I got into Pitt now, I’d probably be ugly myself.
I call this the Carnegie-Mellon-effect.
So what I’m saying, Pitt, is this. Ease up a little. Ask for headshots with applications and let a few of those attractive, less-qualified kids slip through the cracks. Because someone has to pose for the brochure pictures, and for real—it’s going to be embarrassing when you have to import some girl from Duquesne and stick her next to the panther statue.
Warmest regards,
kT
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6 comments:
Got to say, whilst I was out there I didn't see too many either. I put it down to the fact that everyone was wearing 8 coats and any indication of hotness was concealed beneath the winter layers. I got to say, honestly and without bias even though she is my friend, Maria is what can be termed an 'Uber Hotty of the Nth degree'. I thought this would bode well, especially as all your TV shows demonstrate that every woman in America - especially the young students - is hot. Once again I have been cut by the lying viperous tongue of TV!
On the plus side, you and Robbo have more people to mock. Mutant baiting is still a sport over here, but we are a backward people.
So they're all ugly and Asian... glad I don't have to experience that every day. Except for maybe the Asian part because I enjoy Asians.
Yes! Affirmative action for the pretty people! Haven't they suffered enough already!?? Who will cut them a break if we don't?
i totally called that.
now, they have to totally rely on you and i, attractive staff members to pretty up campus!
you definitely did call it, lizzard. i don't know what this place would do without us.
Hello my evil twin.
i love your blog...i wish i could take it twice a day in capsule form.or that it came a box like corn flakes, so i could eat it in the morning. this blog is the reason i wake up in the morning and have a reason to live. i think this blog got me through my seasonal affective disorder.
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