I'm Lost.

I'm lost. I feel empty. I wake up feeling sad. I go to sleep feeling sad, and I haven’t been able to put my finger on the reason. Nothing in my life is particularly wrong. Work is okay. Robbo is great. My friends are great. The Maxipads are starting to gain a following, which is really, incredibly awesome (and bizarre. Have you heard us? Geez.) But despite all that, deep down somewhere, down in the very depths of my soul, I’m sad.

Then yesterday, the source of my sadness became very clear to me, via an email from RJ (whom you may remember from the Jesus Marriage Cult post.) The email read:
“It's the beginning of November and I couldn’t care less about football. This is so wrong.
What do we talk about now, feelings???? Feelings are gay.”


And he’s right! Feelings are gay!
What the hell am I supposed to talk about in my blog now that the Steelers have essentially ended their season? How I made Robbo mad by forgetting to change the kitty litter (er…more like, always forgetting to change the kitty litter and then the cats get mad and protest-poop on the floor?) That’s not funny. Especially not to Robbo.

We can talk about how my high school reunion is in two weeks and instead of trying to get pretty, or thin, or something, I’m eating M&Ms at 9AM. Is that funny? I don’t know! I just don’t know!

Or we can talk about how I’m such a weak drinker anymore that I have three beers and then fall over. Is that funny? Yes, to everyone but me!

Furthermore, I think I've pasted the dead mayor's head on every possible thing I can. The joke is dead. Dead like Bob O'Connor. (whap!) And let's face it, pasting the new mayor’s head to things isn’t as funny.

Or wait…is it?

Naw. It’s just not the same. It just doesn't feel right.

The point is, I’m in a rut. I need to get run over by a car or something so I have a good topic to blog about. I could chart my progress. You know, “Today, I wiggled my toes. Eureka!”

Kind of like when I got fired and just drank beer and watched Maury all day. I hope I don’t get fired again, but it would make for some interesting writing.

I kind of like this job, though. I think I shall opt for Plan B of the "Get My Blog Back On Track" mission... lots of hallucinogenics.