My friend RJ is getting married. While I think marriage is the most frightening thing next to having my toenails ripped out, one by one, and I once threw up upon hearing the phrase "family planning," I'm really happy for them. He's a good guy. His fiance Nicole is a really nice girl. They seem very happy together. I'm sure they'll have a wonderful life... blahblahblaaaaaaaaaah. Marriage.
Here's the kicker. They're both Catholic and thus, required to attend THIS AMAZING WEEKEND GETAWAY!
Oh no, I'm serious. Please take a few minutes to look over this website. Particularly "Weekend Ground Rules."
Me: I hope you like your same-sex roommate.
RJ: I hope my roommate enjoys watching gay porn, cause I'm bringing a bookbag full of it.
Amazing.
I asked him for his login and password to the website so I could look at photos from previous weekends, but he conveniently ignored that email. Hence, I will have to guess at what they look like. I'm guessing either this:
or this:
all death cult-y.
and I suppose I'll also have to imagine their going-away present. I think it'll be... this:
Oh RJ. I hope you don't have any trouble retrieving your testicles after this "unique opportunity to look at your commitment to each other in a deeper way as you prepare for marriage."
Hah! Congratulations, you two crazy kids!!!
5 comments:
oh my god, katie. hilarious. and thnak you for insisting that readers take into consideration "weekend ground rules."
I was watching Miami Ink and a lady actually had a grilled cheese tattooed on her chest that had the virgin mary on it. There was a bite out of the grilled cheese and she held the sandwich (it was framed of course) during the tattoo. A mother effing news station came and filmed the 'event' I hate her and myself for watching it.
"look at your commitment to each other in a deeper way".
There's deeper than 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you'?. Wow! What is it, like subdermal or something? See, i know my brain is making this far cooler than it actually is. I am seeing Electron Microscopes and MRI machines analysing how your atoms react to the prospect of a life time commitment - seeing if they are having one last exchange of electricity with a nearby single single celled organism.
In my head there are cool machines, lights and buttons. I appreciate the reality is like an adult Sunday School with a weird relgious freak room mate, which is why I spend of my time in my own head. It's much more entertaining.
incidentally, you want to check if there are any rules against pets, if not why not take a Honey Badger? They are cute and their prime mode of attack is to bite testicles, it could add some much neede light-hearted entertainment. Imagine sitting in Group as the husband of teh 'Presenting couple' gracefully runs around the room, screaming obscenities that are offensive to God in soprano, as the small south african mammal swings between his legs, teeth digging into one of his two veg.
See? much more fun! come on in!
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