Superficial is the New Deep

I know, I’m very late on updating. There was no CAMP RONNY sign on Tuesday night because SOMEONE (Robbo) didn’t pick up the posterboard as requested. It didn’t even matter, because Ronny Paulino didn’t play, because—duh! It makes perfect sense to bench your best catcher the night after he hits a home run! Obviously!— but rest assured that the sign will be there on Friday night for Fireworks Night.

Anyway. The reason I haven’t updated is because I am truly a mess. At the aforementioned Pirates game, I rubbed away at my allergy-itchy eyes, disregarding the fact that I was wearing a pair of old contacts. I woke up the next morning with a bright red, watering-on-its-own, blurred-visioned right eye. Yeah. I still can’t really see out of it. (Side note: Nicole, I picked up some Claritin at your suggestion, and today I feel like a million bucks. Thank you.)

So I have to use these steroid eye drops (MY EYES BE JUICIN'!) and wear my glasses, and I always feel really dowdy and ugly when I wear my glasses. And yeah, I’m shallow. So what?

So instead of a bunch of emo crap whininess about eye pain and feeling ugly, I’m just going to share with you a very shallow (and poorly worded) email I sent to my friend Liz today.

“I just remembered that I had a nightmare last night about finding the cutest dress (in my dream, it was light blue and white polka dotted with cap sleeves) I could ever have imagined (in the dream, I recall saying, “This is the cutest dress I could ever have imagined.”) and when I went to try it on, I realized it was not a size 6 but a size 26. And I cried.

Just thought you might have been interested.”

Her response:

‘That is equal parts hilarious and horrifying!

And, it sounds like an extremely cute dress!”


I may have mentioned this before, but Liz and I have agreed that a girl should never, ever trust a girl who claims to hate other girls, and has no girlfriends. Why? Because she's a backstabbing bitch. This is not the point. The point is, ladies, if you have no girlfriends to support, condone, and downright encourage your shallow thoughts and behaviors, then you have nothing at all.