Censorship, Green Pee and Noodles

Another glorious rock and roll weekend here in Pittsburgh. The Maxipads were asked at the last minute to jump on a show at the Bloomfield Bridge Tavern by our good friends and Melba Collective labelmates, Landmonster! (yes, the exclamation point is part of the name.) They have such hit songs as “Hot Tub City,” “I Got a Sandwich in my Pocket” and “I Can’t Wait to Die So I Can Go to Heaven.” They work in a preschool together, they are all a bit nutty, and I heart them.


Photo by Mr. Jason's friend.

But needless to say, they’re weird. The Maxipads are also weird. So imagine just how well our brand of rock and rock comedy fit in with the other bands on the bill, three alt-country-acoustic-bongo-hippie-shit bands. The guy who set up the show, from a craptastic country band called Shug Avory, was wearing pinkie ring. A PINKIE RING! You think I’m going to listen to you? Let me tell you something, people. Never, ever take orders from a man wearing a MOTHERFUCKING PINKIE RING. Seriously.

So, before we go on, Pinkie Ring Guy is all, “You have ten minutes.” Ten minutes?? What the fuck? Well, whatever, for anyone who’s ever seen the Maxipads, you know we can whip through our set. Hell, our album is eight tracks and 14 minutes. However, after our fifth song (meaning, less than nine minutes into our set) PINKIE RING GUY TURNED OFF OUR PA. Unbelievable. We played our single “JonBenet” without vocals, although as soon as I realized what was going on, I screamed the rest of the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Not that you could hear them over our blistering music. Then we packed up our equipment, drunkenly yelled “FUCK SHUG AVORY!” and left. And that was Friday night.

Saturday was a mess of St. Patrick’s Day fun that I don’t quite remember. All I know is that Chaser, those pills you can take to prevent a hangover, allow you to drink all day. ALL DAY. Without stop. And you may still get a hangover. And it may cause you to say things about how much you hate Irish people, or that may just be me. And then the next day, your boyfriend's pee will be green, and you'll pray that it's because he was drinking green beer, and not because he was ordering cheap hookers again. Just kidding honey!

Sunday, the Maxipads had a photo shoot for the art for our album. All photos were shot by Brad Quartuccio of Random Precision Photo and most of them involved the three of us in an inflatable kiddie pool full of Ramen noodles. Seriously. Last night I went to shower the stink of noodles from my body, and found a noodle on my boob. I officially hate Ramen noodles. But the pictures are hilarious. We picked the ones we’re using for the album, and I should be getting the other proofs from Joe tomorrow night, so I’ll post some outtakes here on Wednesday. Honestly, the whole thing was ludicrous and a lot of fun. I’m actually feeling pretty ill today (sore throat, chills, nausea) and I blame it wholly on a kiddie pool of Ramen noodles.

The sacrifices we make for art.