Oh Geez, Ben.

I started an entry about Jesus being in a band, but it turned out to be yet another shameless promotion of The Maxipads, who, by the way, got some love in this week’s Pittsburgh City Paper. So that’s pretty cool.

Then I started an entry about how being in your 20’s is depressing, especially when you go to a training session at work for new hires and realize that the other two people in the room are your age, went to schools equivalent to yours, and are definitely no smarter than you, and they make more money with higher-level jobs, and you start to wonder where you went wrong. Then I got depressed. And nobody likes sad kids.

Instead, I must fall back on one of my old standbys: 1) pooping at work; 2) the Steelers; or 3) Hero of the Day.

So, while pooping at work, I thought this up: another open letter to Ben Roethlisberger. Without further ado…

Dear Ben:

Hi. It’s me again. You may remember me from such events as openly, public weeping when you guys won the Super Bowl, and this letter.

Ben, Ben, Ben. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? No, I’m not talking about your on-field performance, although it has been very hit-or-miss and let’s face it, hit-or-miss teams do not win championships. I’m talking about your ridiculous I’m-Gonna-Save-Pittsburgh-Football-and-I'm-the-Only-Guy-Who-Can-Do-It mentality.

Remember when you were in that motorcycle accident in which you claimed you were seconds from death (which I should mention, I’m still not buying, but that’s neither here nor there) and came back in time for the preseason?

That was probably not the smartest thing to do, Ben. And I hope you know that.

But alas! You were waylaid from the opening game because your appendix went ahead and ruptured itself and you had emergency surgery. But no worries, you came back the next week.
Seriously Ben? Is that necessary? No. Did it hurt the team? Yeah, probably.

And now this. Ben! Remember this?:


Followed by this?


And then this?


And now this headline:
Roethlisberger Looks Okay; May Play Sunday
WHAT?!
Ben, what?!

We’re playing the Oakland Raiders. With the way they’ve been playing this season, I could probably rush for over 100 yards against them, so Willie Parker (and Najeh Davenport, for Christ's sake, play Najeh!) should have no trouble at all on the rushing offense. I mean, seriously Ben, your continuous attempts to come back too early from injuries and illnesses is clearly hurting this team.

And oh yeah- Ben? Remember this guy?


That’s right. The Homestead Kid, Charlie Batch.
Let him play. Our season is already in the shitter, we’re playing one of the worst teams in the league, and Charlie has proven himself to be more than adequate as a quarterback.

Seriously, Ben. I know your intentions are good, but we don’t need you to save us. Take a break.

You fucking turd.

Love,
kT