Oral

But not in the dirty way.

My bottom two wisdom teeth have been coming in for some time now, and thanks to a lack of health insurance, I've sort of been taking the pray-every-night-that-they-just-magically-go-away route.

Point is, they hurt like ten bitches in a bitch boat. One has managed to bust its way through the tender flesh of my gums, while the other is swelling in an attempt to do the same. I'm acting like a teething baby, crying and whining at every given opportunity.

Do you think it's acceptable to be clutching a frozen teething ring in my mouth at work during business hours? Or better yet, to keep a bottle of whiskey in my bottom desk drawer and continually rub 'the good stuff' all over my gums? I mean, seriously, what happened to the days when everyone had whiskey in their desks at work? I like whiskey. I like it more than I like most foods... and come to think of it, most people.


That's it. I am officially becoming a 55 year old businessman, circa 1965. If anyone wants a little nip, you know where to find my cubicle.