Where have I been?
Well, I’ve been crazy.
That’s right, a bout with hormonal birth control (again! Why am I so stupid?) drove me pretty much to the brink of insanity (and quite possibly over the brink, depending on whether you ask me or Robbo) and I only recently freed myself from the clutches of NuvaRing.
I decided that the freedom to be really careless (damn you, NuvaRing, damn you and your convenience!) wasn’t worth feeling totally busted, stupid, fat, and worthless when I am in fact, fairly okay-looking, fairly smart, fairly thin, and definitely (probably) worth something. Look, I’m not gonna get arrogant, just saying-- I don’t suck as bad as NuvaRing made me think I did. Had I been writing blogs during this time, they would have just been sad teen girl poetry, and the last thing the internet needs is more sad teen girl poetry.
It all came to a head when I found myself heaped on the kitchen floor, sobbing and leaning against the refrigerator, after having screamed my lungs out at Robbo because the gas bill was late. Say whaaaat? This is not me.
I ripped that oh-so-convenient plastic ring from my body, stuffed it into the oh-so-convenient foil pouch, tossed it in the bathroom trash can and have not looked back.
It's a very simple equation:
EQUALS
That's right, NuvaRing equals death.
The lesson? Convenience will make you crazy. See also: self-checkout lines in grocery stores. See? Crazy. I rest my case.
Now! Onto more important things, such as: why the hell am I clearly the least popular person in my office? I’m funny! I’m fun! I will waste all day chatting you up because it’s better than working. LIKE ME! PLEASE!
I think the problem is that everyone here thinks I’m a weirdo—which I am planning to verify by participating in the annual “office door/cubicle decorating contest.”
Oh yeah. I’m totally putting up an aluminum pole with a sign-up sheet for “feats of strength” and an airing of my grievances. Seriously, when you take the last cup of coffee, make more!
Do you think anyone will get it?
4 comments:
Birth control is really effed up.
In college, I was watching a movie with a girl I had been dating for nearly a year. We had been talking and have a good time that evening, but after the movie was over we talked for five minutes and then she promptly got up, gave a very terse goodbye and left.
The next day she called and apologized saying, "If I didn't leave right then, I would have punched you right in the face." Turns out the birth control she was taking suddenly made me overwhelmingly annoying to her.
Welcome back kT!
Thank goodness, I was gonna give ya one more visit then have to hope that some other KSWA Krazy was making me proud in the blog-os-phere.
Your Ring Announcer
Aluminum pole: A Festivus for the Rest of Us!
I think my girlfriend just wants to punch me right in the face and it has nothing to do with birth control. What can I say?
It's a gift.
Post a Comment