Dino-Mite!

If you want to know why my updating has been slow lately, it's been a combination of three things:

1. Work putting its collective work-weiner up my ass and sloooowly wiggling it around;

2. My customary state of ennui. I have nothing interesting to say. It’s true. It’s further compounded by the fact that I always forget the funny things I want to write about, or, when I’m sober, they aren’t as funny anymore. (POLL: would you want to read a blog entry I wrote about what member of a band Jesus would be, were Jesus in a band? Vote in the comments. Let me know, I’ll work on it. Democracy in action.)

3 (and most importantly). My extreme frustration with the play and, moreover, coaching of the Steelers has left me speechless, like a toddler who wants a cookie but just CAN’T say the damn word—“cookie! cookie!” ...fuck. Read one opinion here, in Fich and Andy’s blog.

So today, my friends, I will not write a rant about how Ben Roethlisberger is, as I’ve said a thousand times before, a huge turd who once yelled at Liz in Red Star Tavern, ignored Jenn B. in Roland’s, and oh yeah, can’t throw downfield for shit. I will not write a rant about the fact that WE KNOW that Willie Parker cannot run up the middle yet we ask him to do it anyway. I also will not write a rant making fun of my boyfriend, because I think he started reading my blog.

Instead, I will write about dinosaur porn. That’s right, DINOSAUR PORN. (I thought that ought to be in big letters, in case you’re reading this at work. Now everyone knows you’re a pervert. You pervert.)
You think this a joke, right? It’s not. Dinosaur Porn, much like Furries (the people who get off on making sweet, sweet loving in big animal costumes) is a very real thing. Big credit to Paul for finding it. I’d post pictures, but I’m at work, ya know, and I already googled “dinosaur porn,” so I probably ought to keep the inappropriateness to a minimum. It’s pretty raunchy stuff, so I had Paul look at it and tell me all about it.

ktpg: is there such a thing as a still shot that would be work safe?
relative q: not unless your work lets you look at pictures of girls sucking dinosaur dick

Apparently, it’s women having relations with people in dinosaur suits. I don’t know, I haven’t seen it yet, but I think I could get into this.

ktpg: is it sexy?
relative q: oh hell no
relative q: it's just weird

Yup. I could definitely get into this.

THIS IS NOT WORK SAFE! IF YOU ARE NOT AT WORK (AND HAVE NO SHAME, LIKE ME!) click HERE for a little sample of the world of porno to come.

I know what I’m doing tonight. On Robbo's computer. Then later, while he's in the room, I'm gonna look at the History and be like, "Dinosaur porn?! What the fuck is this? Jesus! I thought you loved me! What's wrong with you? God! You're such a creep! I thought I knew you! I'm moving out!" until he swears up and down that it wasn't him, he has no idea how it got there, and then I'll be like, "Oh yeah, I forgot. It was me."


Hah. He's so lucky, every boy should have a girlfriend as funny as me.