Sack Up, Ho

Today I was feeling a little bummed out. Not for any real reason, you know, average stuff. Didn't sleep well, my Pandora was only playing whiny emo music, I didn't have enough coffee, or something. Whatever. Not important.

In an attempt to appease these feelings, some women would have a drink or two or three. Some women would go shopping and buy themselves something pretty.
Me, I ate an entire container of Bubble Tape. Not chewed, ate. I now have six feet of bubble gum (for me, not them) floating around in my intestines. I don't know when I became a booger-flinging, pants-pissing, BUBBLE-GUM-EATING preschooler, but I'd say that needs to stop, immediately. What if I try to go to the bathroom and my ass blows a huge pink bubble?? That could be shocking. That could be akin to giving birth in the bathroom at the prom. Could I really stash that bubble somewhere and go dance the night away? I don't think I could.

If anyone sees me chewing gum (or with my finger up my nose, for that matter) please, slap me.