Seriously.
Here's what's up: I've never been one for stealing. Somehow I missed out on the whole "shoplifting makes you cool" pre-adolescent rite of passage. I never participated. [On a side note: do you think it's possible that this is why I am so uncool now?] I don't like borrowing things from people because I get nervous until said object is safely returned. I even get anxious about renting movies, for Christ's sake. Point is, I'm uncomfortable possessing something that is not explicitly mine.
This is why I find it so strange that every time I know I'm leaving a job, I get inexplicably overwhelmed by urges to steal office supplies. My last job, it was a box of overhead transparencies, highlighters, and Post-it notes. The one before, a fancy-girl pen, all the mints from the candy dish, and a magnet. Before that, a box of paper clips and some file folders. I know, what the fuck? What do I need file folders for? Nothing. I threw them away. [Side note number 2: Please don't judge how many jobs I've had. I'm a perpetual temp.]
I'm know that admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving the problem. I know this, and I've admitted my problem. Publicly! But yesterday, there I was, sticking a package of AAA batteries into my bag. I've been eyeing up the cabinet of coffee mugs with the law firm's logo printed on them. I'm trying to think of a use for a box of carbon paper. I mean, ideally I'd like to make off with a typewriter, but I think I'd probably get caught on the way to the bus stop.
Why is this happening? Psychologically, something is not right here.
Somebody, please.
Help me.
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2 comments:
Dude, stealing office supplies is the best thing ever. Fuck 'em. I gangstered a sweet tape dispenser from my last job.
I think you want to steal the office supplies because you know they're better then you.
Even the office supplies don't get fired before you.
On a side note, I'm just kidding, I've been pissy all day due to work related stuff.
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